Wolfrum’s Morning - The name game

I’ve been thinking about the parents that named their child “Hashtag,” recently. It led me to an idea that very well could change the plight of humankind - give your children wildly embarrassing names. It could save the world.

You see, in a world where “Hashtag” is talking to “Melba Toast” who is talking to “Call of Duty 2,” no one feels superior to one another. A humility will fall over the lands and peace will prevail.

Someone needs to study this.

Political journalist Ron Fournier gives an unflinching and honest account of his child with Asperger’s, as well as his own performance as a father to a child with special needs. It’s a beautiful and brave piece of work.

Face it, there are a lot of countries that wish their President and his recently defeated foe could get together for a cordial lunch. That said, I’m pretty sure Obama had them serve chili because Mormons aren’t allowed to fart. I think.

In less than three years, Lebron James has gone from the most hated and envied man in basketball to a world champion who can play diplomat. James and teammate Dwayne Wade showed class as they stood up for San Antonio Spurs coach Greg Popovich.

At the tail end of a long road trip, Popovich decided to send aging stars Tim Duncan, Tony Parker and Manu Ginobli home before playing the Miami Heat. This caused an immature and transparent temper tantrum from NBA commissioner David Stern, due to the fact it was a nationally televised game. James and Wade did the right thing by standing with Popovich, and continued to prove themselves spokesmen for the game.

-WKW

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Fiscal Cliff will bring smallpox, forced incest & insects of above-average size

My friends, America was born some 450 years ago in 1776 and has the documentation to prove it. Now, America has an expiration date - Dec. 31, 2012.

Yes, Christopher Columbus’ great experiment in democracy is set to sail over a cliff - a “Fiscal” cliff, as it were. According to economics experts such as David Gregory, the fiscal cliff is a combination of tax hikes and budget cuts that will paralyze the economy and bring about such calamities as a return of smallpox, forced incest and insects of above average size, according to economic expert such as Jake Tapper.

As economic experts such as Scott Pelley and Lloyd Blankfein have noted, there is but one way to pave over the fiscal cliff and ensure the fall is lined with concrete is to cut entitlement spending. While people spend their whole lives paying into entitlements such as Social Security and Medicare, these entitlements are free money to an American public long accustomed to receiving free government largesse. This free giveaway of benefits that people have paid into must be curtailed, or America will fail, as falling over cliffs is almost always fatal.

My friends, since America won its civil war against Europe, it has long fought to be more like Europe. Currently, Europe is continually cutting benefits and forcing austerity measures on its people. This is causing the economies of many European nations to contract, which, as non-partisan organizations such as Fox News have pointed out, help save economies and keep insects at their normal, smaller size.

The truth is obvious and unavoidable - if America falls over the fiscal cliff, all Americans will die, as politicians will lock all emergency exits and burn the place to the ground. This can only be avoided if all Americans who make less than, say, $250,000 a year start feeling the pain.

As Founding Father Abraham Lincoln once said, “A nation divided cannot afford to take care of anyone who makes less than, say, $250,000, without falling over a fiscal cliff and bringing about such calamities as a return of smallpox, forced incest and insects of above average size, according to everyone at CNBC. Also, tax hikes are off the table.”

The time is now, America. Because the cliff is coming. And if we fall over that cliff, we will all drown in the seas of fire. It’s time we become educated about it.

-WKW

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Somebody to love

It was 21 year ago today that Freddie Mercury left us. A more talented and unique artist has never lived.

-WKW

White guys can shoot

Jack Taylor of Grinnell College pumped in 138 points against Faith Baptist Bible College, breaking all records for scoring in basketball ever. He was so good, the great Kevin Durant even had to tip his cap.

“Jack Taylor you deserve a shot of Jack Daniels after that performance lol…wow,” Durant tweeted.

-WKW

Shades of gray

You can be against Israel attacking Gaza.

You can be against Hamas shooting rockets at Israeli citizens.

You can be against communism.

You can be against libertarianism.

You can be against destroying the social safety net.

You can be against fiscal irresponsibility.

You can be pro-business.

You can be pro-labor.

You can be against the United States’ foreign policies.

You can be proud of being and American.

Because only by recognizing and embracing the shades of gray can the red, white & blue continue to wave proudly.

-WKW

Fox News Election Day Live-Blog 2012

Four years ago, I risked my life by spending all of Election Day live-blogging Fox News coverage. Never again, I said. But over the months, I have realized the 2012 race between Barack Obama and Mitt Romney is the most important of our lifetimes. The most important in American history. I realized I HAD to do it one more time. So I again risk my mental health. For you.

Also, some woman e-mailed me and said she hoped I’d do it again and my wife demanded I do it again. Hey, she’s the one who has to live with me.

So, welcome to the Fox News Election Day Live-Blog 2012.

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