Climbing from the hedge
December 23, 2005 by William K. Wolfrum
It’s clearly apparent to me that someone wanted me to think about mortality in 2005.
My Godmother got hit with a vicious case of cancer that just about completely immobilized her.
Then a new friend I made in Brazil had brain surgery and nearly died afterward when his kidneys failed.
And finally my mother has been diagnosed with cancer, as well. She has already had laparoscopic surgery to remove her ovaries, which were cancerous, but now then they found more. She’ll have major surgery at the beginning of 2006, followed by chemotherapy.
It’s been just a swell time.
I really think the problem for me is that I’ve managed to spend 38 years on this planet ducking, dodging and drinking my way around anything resembling emotion.
A true story: when I was much younger, I used to go across the street from my house, where there were some hedges that I could crawl into. I was a little boy sitting in a bush so no one could see him, playing with my toys and daydreaming. I’d sit in that hedge every day for hours.
And more or less, I’ve stayed there. It’s been a lot easier to stay shielded and aloof of feelings than actually dealing with them in any way. But hiding from the important things in life is no way to live. There’s so much to think about and act on right now for me. Things are affecting all the people I care about, and my heart needs to be involved. Actively.
At 38, it’s time for me to crawl out of my hedge.
-WKW
I’m very sorry to hear about your mother. I wish her and you all the best. She’s going to need you to be strong, so keep that in mind before you crawl too far away from your protective hedge. It’s admirable that you want to take this plunge or even recognize that you need to, but you might want to wade in slowly.
You think being a screaming psycho is embarassing. Wait until you open the rest of the emotional floodgates. My hedge was burned down on 9/11/01 and I want it back.
I don’t know how it worked out w/ our mom, but since you pointed me here as a personality profile…
I’m an only child. I was also a book nerd, picked on as a kid, (back then, I was like you in your hedge, except it was a tree.) who somehow became outgoing and gregarious…in a way. In another way, I am very happy on my own, I *need* time on my own, without the static of others around my head.
I don’t hate people, I’m not a misanthrope, but too much being around them makes my edges feel ragged.
(I hit enter too soon!)
And yet while I like my alone time, I love engaging with people - in person, on line, etc. I wouldn’t want to be a hermit in all ways. People are too FUN.
My Mom passed away Dec. 2008. She survived the ovarian cancer but it was quickly followed by leukemia. She gave it an amazing fight.
[...] years this month, I started this blog with the post “Climbing from the Hedge.” In that post, I wrote this: A true story: when I was much younger, I used to go across the street [...]