New GOP Platform: Microchip Mexicans & use them for barter

WASHINGTON - The Republican National Committee came forward today with a one-page document showcasing its new platform for the remainder of the year.

The new platform is based on illegal immigration and keeping medical expenses down. From the document:

“We hereby believe that all illegal immigrants should have a microchip inserted into their neck. These “Microchipped Mexicans” (MMs) can then be purchased at Walmart and used for barter to help lower health care costs.

Example: A kidney operation will cost roughly 14 MMs.”

“Once again, we are showing our revolutionary thinking and new ideas,” said RNC Chairman Michael Steele. “We are using free-market and capitalism to solve our most pressing problems.”

The new platform also has a plan to use illegal immigrants to help fight large oil spills, like the one currently in the Gulf.

“The air-dropping of MMs on to oil-ravaged sea areas could simultaneously clean the oceans, and save oil, as MMs will later be dragged from the sea and wrung out for the precious oil. Provided this plan does not cause inflation in the burgeoning MM market, we believe it is a workable solution,” said the document.

“We are the party of ideas!” said Steele. “MMs will have a variety of uses!”

The rest of the document contained ideas such as: Putting Ronald Reagan on the $50 bill, making Winter “Ronald Reagan Season,” and shortening African-American History Month to just an hour in August.

-WKW

White Supremacy & Hate Groups: A nation-wide problem

Almost a year ago, NBC reported on the rise of hate groups throughout the U.S.:

The Southern Poverty Law Center has been tracking hate groups for almost 30 years. In its spring 2009 Intelligence Report, they found that 926 hate groups are currently operating in the U.S., an all-time high. These groups include the Ku Klux Klan, neo-Nazis, racist skinheads and Black separatists.

Potok attributes this rise in hate groups to the recession, the election of the nation’s first black president, and the immigration debate.

“We’re looking at a kind of perfect storm of factors that really favor the continued growth of these groups,” he says.

In the past year, that perfect storm has grown, as more and more reports of white supremacist groups, militias and neo-Nazis have taken over the news pages. The media, for its part, has taken a passive role in the growth of these hate groups, reporting when they commit crimes or hold marches. Unless it’s the Tea Party movement, which has received a great deal of attention for having white nationalist interlopers amongst them.

Now, I will gladly admit that the vast majority of people involved in the Tea Party are not white supremacists. But with the overall whiteness and simmering racial tension, the Tea Party movement is a shining opening for many white supremacist types, who view the loosely held together organizations as a chance at achieving broader acceptance.

While this isn’t primarily about the Tea Party, it’s time for these “Patriots” to adopt a “you’re with us or you’re against us” mentality when it comes to white supremacy. Because as a quick check of Google News shows, white supremacists and hate groups are continuing to gain influence in every part of the United States:

• Arizona: Profiling Arizona legislator Russell Pearce: Author of immigration law is pals with noted neo-Nazi.
• Arkansas: White Supremacist Man Gets Ten Years – Planned On Killing Obama.
• California: Nazi flyers litter Rialto neighborhood
• California: White Supremacy Rally Draws Counter-Protesters, Heavy LAPD Deployment.
• California: Suspected white supremacists arrested in connection with attacks on police.
• Connecticut: Another Militia Group Indicted by Feds
• Florida: Stormfront Scion Derek Black Hosting Radio Show on WPBR.
• Idaho: Supremacist Fliers left at local home.
• Illinois: White Supremacy Fliers Found In Easter Eggs.
• Indiana: Christian Identity Church to Host White Nationalist Speaker
• Indiana: Judge suppresses motorcycle gang leader’s white supremacist ties.
• Massachusetts: White supremacist murder defendant stable after suicide attempt.
• Massachusetts: Racist graffiti found in Concord.
• Michigan: Court records reveal more about Hutaree
• Mississippi: White Supremacist Richard Barrett Allegedly Murdered by Black Neighbor.
• Missouri: Judge says Klan can have barbecue at battle site.
• Missouri: Radio Stations Wait for Ruling on White Supremacist Campaign Ads.
• Missouri: Club Owner’s Ties To Aryan Nation Draws Furor Of Residents.
• Nevada: Oregon man bound over for trial in Sparks rape, robbery
• New Hampshire: Fear and Loathing in New Hampshire.
• New Jersey: Nazi Flag Flier: I Collect Flags, I Fly Them
• New York: Teen in NY immigrant slay: ‘I am not a racist’
• Ohio: Three ‘Skinhead’ Soldiers, Another Man Held In Attack On Cincinnati Homeless Man
• Oregon: White Supremacist Flyers Again Cropping up in Portland
• Oregon: Bigotry making a comeback.
• Oregon: Businesses use specter of selling out to hate group in community disputes
• Texas: KKK Distributes fliers in Lubbock.
• Utah: Allgier pleads not guilty to murder, 7 other charge
• Virginia: Revoked ‘Hate Plates’ Restart Free Speech Debate
• Virginia: Neo-Nazi leader White to be sentenced today.
• Virginia: Group With White Supremacist Ties Influential In Getting VA Gov To Declare April Confederate History Month
• Virginia: Governor McDonnell Declares April ‘Confederate History Month’
• Washington, D.C.: FBI release files on white supremacist.
• Washington: I’m not a white supremacist — I just move around a lot.
• Washington: Man sentenced in anti-Muslim attack on Seattle woman, child
• Wisconsin: Tea Party drops speaker for alleged ties to white supremacists.
• Michelle McGee Nazi?
• David Duke: Tea Party is not Racist.
• Jesse James poses as Hitler.
• Pat Buchanan: Tea Parties Are a ‘New Tribe Rising’
• Thom Hartman: Threats, Violence Against Congress Show Urgent Need for King Records Act.

It’s in front of everyone’s face, we just have to make it visible. It’s on the tip of everyone’s tongue, we just have to keep calling it out by name: White Supremacy. And we must keep fighting to push them to the furthest fringes of our society. To not is to risk everything.

-WKW

Originally posted at Alan Colmes’ Liberaland

The U.S. media is the 24th most free in the world - and dropping

Freedom of the press has declined for the eighth year in a row, according to Freedom House’s annual report. And while the media has focused on the lack of media freedoms in such places as China and Venezuela, they’ve virtually ignored the U.S. position - No. 24 (PDF).

And following in the footsteps of the Bush Administration, the Obama Administration seems intent on making the media less free.

From Crooks & Liars:

In early 2008, the Bush Justice Department subpoenaed New York Times reporter James Risen over his book, State of War: The Secret History of the C.I.A. and the Bush Administration. Now, just two weeks after taking action against an NSA whistle-blower who leaked information about contract corruption to the Baltimore Sun, the Obama DOJ is continue its predecessor’s push to compel Risen to divulge his confidential sources. …

… as the New York Times detailed, despite the Obama administration’s professions of support for a new media-shield law, Attorney General Eric Holder is continuing President Bush’s pursuit of Risen.

For those who believe their freedoms are being taken away, hopefully they’ll soon recognize that a free and competent media is where all freedoms emanate.

-WKW

Andrew Breitbart accuses me of sexual harassment

I truly enjoy Twitter. I find it a great place to locate new readers, a place to meet a wide variety of people, and a place to be creative.

Honestly, for a person like me who considers the Internet his own personal comedy routine, Twitter is just perfect. I tend not to deal much with writers’ block, anyway, and Twitter lets me just hurl things against the wall and see what sticks.

Which brings me to my story: On Tuesday, out of boredom, I Tweeted this “challenge” to Jake Tapper and Andrew Breitbart:

“I want to engage in an MMA-style fight for charity against @jaketapper and/or @AndrewBreitbart. I think Tapper’d be tougher.”

Tapper (who I’ve mocked in the past but has been quite pleasant to me lately) initially was somewhat confused, but then went along with the joke:

“You know who’s tough? Rahm (Emanuel). Short but wiry and tenacious.”

Kudos to Jake. That, plus his reportedly decent job on “World News” essentially means you won’t see any more random attacks on him around here anymore. He’ll have to earn his attacks like everyone else.

Breitbart decided to take it a whole new direction, however:

“are you aware you typed your homoerotic fantasy for all to see?”

I was a little surprised by this line of attack, as I consider MMA to be a decidedly non-sexual type of combat. But fun was being had, so I responded:

“You couldn’t handle my homoerotic fantasies.”

Which is when Breitbart went off the rails, responding:

“technically, my response was to your vulgar dreamworld sado-masochistic sex harassment - and was not a judgment on your sexuality.”

And that was how it came about that journalist Andrew Breitbart accused me of sexually harassing him. Per my lawyers, that’s about all I can say on this matter.

Though I will say this: It is a libel with real-world repercussions. One can only hope the media will sternly investigate Breitbart’s outrageous claims.

-WKW

Republicans announce their base - Tim Johnson of Tupelo, Miss.

Over the past few decades, the Republican brand has become a somewhat-confused morass of ideologies and beliefs, with the party losing large blocks of voters on several different issues. Recently, the decision by the State of Arizona to treat all Mexican and Latin people as potential criminals has crippled the Republican National Committee with the Mexican community, for instance.

To help clarify the RNC positions and its platform, Chairman Michael Steele today announced what the Republican base is - Tim Johnson, a 47-year-old businessman from Tupelo, Miss. According to the RNC, Johnson “holds all the values and attributes” the Republican Party want.”

• Johnson owns three guns.
• Johnson owns six flags.
• Johnson is a Protestant and attends church on a semi-regular basis when it’s not NFL season. If asked, he is “devout.”
• Johnson attended community college for one semester.
• Johnson is male.
• Johnson doesn’t dislike African-Americans or other minorities. But he doesn’t trust them, either.
• Johnson earns approximately $200,000 in a job his father set him up with.
• Johnson believes that in America, if a man is willing to work hard, he’ll succeed.
• Johnson isn’t sure if Barack Obama is legally allowed to be President. But he’s interested in how that all plays out.
• Johnson is on his third marriage, and has five children.
• Johnson distrusts government and politicians.
• Johnson is white.
• Johnson thinks Kyle Busch is a dick.

Johnson said he’s excited to officially be the Republican base.

“I always said they should listen to me and it looks like they will now,” said Johnson. “But you never know with them damned politicians.”

Steele said he believed the “Tim Johnson Strategy” would result in big wins come November.

“Tim Johnson has it all. The requisite 2:1 flag-to-gun ration, the marital record, the religious standing, just everything,” said Steele. “We’re after people who are Tim Johnson and Tim Johnson-like.”

Steele again added that the name wasn’t of primary significance.

“Really, if you’re name isn’t Tim Johnson, come down and we’ll see if you qualify to be part of our base,” said Steele. “And you know, being A Tim Johnson doesn’t guarantee anything. We’re going to be pretty strict here. But we’re on a roll. Trust me.”

-WKW

In A Center-Left Country, we should troll Republicans with our concern

In America, the weekends are for many things – spending time with family, enjoying outdoor activities and sports and just relaxing. It’s also the determined time for Republicans to Concern Troll the brains out of their Democratic opposition.

For those on the outs. let me allow Wise Geek to give an example of concern trolling:

Artful concern trolling involves developing a believable persona as a supporter of a cause who has legitimate concerns. In an example of concern trolling, a group of people might be having a political discussion on a website about a candidate they support. The concern troll would log on and say “I’m concerned that this candidate might not be strong enough to beat the opposition,” or “I’m worried that the candidate’s history in the legislature might be a problem in the election.”

Once a concern troll has sowed dissent or discord, often he or she can sit back and let the other commenters do the rest of the work. When a concern troll has done the job correctly, the discussion will split, factions will emerge, and support for the cause will have eroded. Concern trolling can also be highly distracting, as people band together to oppose the concern troll, rather than discussing serious issues, including valid concerns which should be addressed.

Now with the weekend political talk shows and in opinion articles throughout the week, concern trolling is as common as smudged ink on Sarah Palin’s palm. There are an endless array of examples, from Chris Matthews and crew yesterday discussing why Democrats should stop messing around with immigration laws, to Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell advising Democrats to tread carefully on health care Reform.

There is a very interesting dynamic about concern trolling, however. It tends to only roll right to left. Thus, you get endless conservatives, news pundits and writers advising Democrats that their only hope for survival is to be more conservative like them. And the sad truth is that they aren’t really “concerned” at all. They just want more Republicans elected and their agenda to be put forth. That’s it.

But, just in case you haven’t noticed, Conservatives have had a long and troubling history of being wrong on every issue, every time, always. It is because of this, I’d like to throw a little concern trolling at Republicans. Because I am truly concerned – This is a nation of only two viable political parties, and one of them is bouncing around like Daffy Duck. That’s just not helping anyone.

Because there’s still time between now and the November elections, I’d like to give Republicans some advice on how to “turn left.” This is a “Center-Left” nation*, after all.

First-off, there’s the Tea Party. Now at last count, the complete and total number of people involved in the “Tea Party Movement” that won’t just reflexively vote Republican is about 8. My advice, ignore them completely and call them nut-jobs whenever possible.

It’s far more important to appeal to your base voters. These are people who will badmouth the U.S. in the most vile fashions and then go to whatever patriotic fireworks show is happening anywhere within 20 miles so that they can cry about how GREAT America is. Basically, they are Tea Party people who are too lazy to make signs.

Nonetheless, even the base isn’t going to be too excited to run out to the voter booths on your promise of “We’ll just wait until Obama’s gone then undo everything he did.”

So what I’m saying to Republicans is the same thing my 3rd grade teacher said to me so many years ago – “Do something. Get involved with government. Be a part of the team. Team America!”

Get some “I feel your pain” in your un-alterable swagger. Stop filibustering everything. Get through an entire statement without insulting someone. Realize that governing by pure ideology is a horrific mistake in a nation where 80 percent don’t share that ideology, or any ideology for that matter.

Oh, and for God’s sakes, get rid of Michael Steele right now. In all seriousness, his out-of-control incompetence has long rendered his race card worthless. And tell the religious right to bite it while you’re at it.

Basically, Republicans, it’s time for a sharp turn to the left. Come rejoin the mainstream, and stop flirting with the dangerous fringe maniacs. Come back to be the party you were known for, one of fiscal responsibility and liberty. Because right now you’re an unruly party of slogan shouters who seem interested only in demonizing liberals. And it’s just not working.

It is time for some “Obama Republicans” to make their stand. Come together with Democrats and help make the U.S. better, regardless of ideology. Be an American first, and a Republican second. And ultimately, the Republican Party will bounce back.

And please remember, I only mention these things out of concern.

*No Evidence is ever necessary in making a statement like that.

-WKW

Originally posted at Alan Colmes’ Liberaland

The most homoerotic, anti-gay diatribe ever!

Eugene Delgaudio, the Republican District Supervisor in Sterling, Virginia, is a man that works hard to spread homophobia and keep many rights away from gay and lesbian Americans.

But in writing a fund-raising appeal, Delgaudio somehow turned all that hate into one big homoerotic masturbation story. An Expert from Thomas Wellborn at Alan Colmes’ Liberaland:

Trembling with worry I went inside. It was worse than I ever imagined. Row after row of boxes bulging with pro-homosexual petitions lined the walls, stacked to the ceiling. My mind reeled as I realized hundreds, maybe thousands, more boxes were already loaded on the tractor-trailers. And still more petitions were flying off the press.

Suddenly a dark-haired man screeched, “Delgaudio what are you doing here?” Dozens of men began moving toward me. I’d been recognized. As I retreated to my car, the man chortled, “This time Delgaudio we can’t lose.”

Driving away, my eyes filled with tears as I realized he might be right. This time the Radical Homosexuals could win.

Ok, seriously, I’m heterosexual but that was starting to get me hot and bothered. Too bad it was written by a homophobic hate-monger.

Read more at The Washington Note.

-WKW

Gizmodo vs. Goldman Sachs

If there’s one thing we can say for sure, it’s this: Those Gizmodo guys will get a much worse punishment for having that iPhone than anyone at Goldman Sachs will get for bilking their investors.

-WKW

The Birthers are Coming! The Birthers are Coming!

It’s like knowing that your birthday and New Years are only a month away. The excitement and tension can be too much to handle. But wait we all must. That’s because on Saturday, May 29, the Birthers will go to Washington, D.C.

From David Weigel at the Washington Post:

The long-rumored “birth certificate march on Washington” — a project of the original birther attorney, Phil Berg — will happen on Saturday, May 29. Berg is beckoning supporters to the 82-acre President’s Park, right across from the White House.

The event will include a protest of health-care reform because, as Berg writes: “The Healthcare bill (ObamaCare) signed into Law by Obama on March 23, 2010 is unconstitutional and voidable since he is ineligible to serve as President of the United States.”

How organized is this event? Well, they even have a slapped-together promotional video with lots of words, white people, and background music by U2 (because we all know Bono is totally behind this).

They’re calling it the ObamaCare/Eligibility March on Washington, because “Birthers” has taken on too much of a “crazy” connotation. But trust me, with word of Brownshirts and Obama building a private army, the ObamaCare/Eligibility Marchers will give you all the crazy those like Phil Berg and Orly Taitz have made us come to expect.

So mark your calender, March 29, The ObamaCare/Eligibility March on Washington - come for the morbid curiosity, but stay for the crazy.

-WKW

Noah’s Ark located in Turkey! (except it wasn’t)

In keeping with the theme of the previous post, big-time journalists like Matt Drudge and Andrew Breitbart are now promoting a story that Noah’s Ark has been located in Turkey. Fox News is also giving the story ample PR.

Drudge links to a story at the UK Sun:

THE remains of Noah’s Ark have been discovered 13,000ft up a Turkish mountain, it has been claimed.

A group of Chinese and Turkish evangelical explorers say they have found wooden remains on Mount Ararat in eastern Turkey.

They claim carbon dating proves the relics are 4,800 years old — around the same time the ark was said to be afloat.

Somehow, biblical discoveries are only made by evangelists and UFO discoveries are only made by UFO fetishists. Go figure.

Breitbart even includes video:

Now that’s journalism you can believe in. The only problem? It’s complete and utter bollocks. First off, there was no “Noah’s Ark” so there’s nothing to find. Secondly, the story is bollocks.

Remember, kids, when you see stories about UFOs, Noah’s Ark and other such things, they all share one common thread - they are not true. Ever.

Update: Hey, how about that. It was a hoax.

-WKW

Humanoid extraterrestrials are living amongst us! (except, they aren’t)

Over at the American Chronicle, they’ve made a discovery of galactic proportions - they have discovered that space aliens live amongst us!

From the American Chronicle:

According to accounts released Saturday, April 24, 2010, by the coordinator of an e-mail news and information service, officials of the U.S. Defense Intelligence Agency (DIA), U.S. Air Force Office of Special Investigations (AFOSI) and other U.S. government agencies have been involved in security activities involving human-appearing extraterrestrial beings in the U.S.

Victor Martinez, the e-mail information coordinator, is a former federal employee with an interest in space, defense and current affairs. Recipients of his e-mail news items include a wide variety of people interested in emerging and leading-edge scientific and other developments.

So, what should normal Americans do now that there’s been a story published that humanoid ETs are roaming the landscape? Absolutely nothing. The story is what we in the business like to call “ET BS.”

Find more on the untrue story at Joint Recon Study Group. While I don’t mean to disrespect the authors, let me re-iterate - it’s just not true. My proof? These stories are never true. They rely on shady, possibly invented sources, and they never include any type of scientific backing.

So sorry folks, with the possible exception of Orly Taitz, there are no ETs walking amongst us.

-WKW

Be like a Brazilian - Have sex and dance more

Brazil is a land of paradoxes. One one side of the coin, the nation will fight resolutely for its citizens with HIV/AIDS. On the other, a judge will announce that gay men have no business playing soccer.

But recently, Brazilian Health Minister Jose Temporao gave some advice to uptight Brazilians that Americans should heed - dance more, and have sex more.

From The Huffington Post:

Temporao says adults should be exercising more to help keep their blood pressure down – and he says a good cardiovascular workout includes sex, “always with protection, obviously.”

Temporao also recommends dancing, a healthy diet and regular blood-pressure checks.

So, for you Americans battling high-blood pressure, have more sex. And dance more. Remember, it’s like Tom Delay disappeared off the planet after being on Dancing with the Stars.

-WKW

William K. Wolfrum announces he will remain a U.S. citizen

BRAZIL - Unperturbed by a slight growth in American Expatriates giving up their U.S. citizenship due to taxes and other reasons, American blogger William K. Wolfrum - a resident of Brazil - announced he will remain an American and sees no reason to change that.

“I may not currently live in the U.S., but I was born an American and will stay American,” said Wolfrum, waving an American flag and wearing an “America - Love it, or leave it while remaining a citizen” T-Shirt.

Wolfrum’s statement came after the New York Times reported that more American expatriates are choosing to give up their American citizenship.

“The Federal Register, the government publication that records such decisions, shows that 502 expatriates gave up their U.S. citizenship or permanent residency status in the last quarter of 2009. That is a tiny portion of the 5.2 million Americans estimated by the State Department to be living abroad.

Still, 502 was the largest quarterly figure in years, more than twice the total for all of 2008, and it looms larger, given how agonizing the decision can be. There were 235 renunciations in 2008 and 743 last year. Waiting periods to meet with consular officers to formalize renunciations have grown. “

Wolfrum said he understood the frustration many ex-pats, especially in regard to taxation, as well as the fact the special secret Patriot Acts have forced the closure of many U.S. bank accounts for many ex-pats. Still, the attractive young blogger said he’d stick it out.

“I was born American and will stay American,” said Wolfrum, noshing on a pão de queijo.

“Brazil is great but the U.S. will always be my home,” added Wolfrum, holding a sparkler, kicking a soccer ball and humming the U.S. national anthem.

-WKW

Breaking: Aliens announce they will now ignore Stephen Hawking

On a new Discovery Channel documentary called Stephen Hawking’s Universe, the legendary theoretical physicist advised that if we countered intelligent life, it might just be best to ignore them.

We only have to look at ourselves to see how intelligent life might develop into something we wouldn’t want to meet. I imagine they might exist in massive ships, having used up all the resources from their home planet. Such advanced aliens would perhaps become nomads, looking to conquer and colonize whatever planets they can reach.”

Intelligent life elsewhere in the universe was quick to respond.

“Stephen Hawking can go to Hell,” said Glog, of the Tryphoidian Galaxy, in a message not due to reach earth for 14,000 light years. “He doesn’t come to our parties. He’s always ‘on the line with someone else,’ Screw him. I announce that all life-forms outside the Earth ignore Stephen Hawking.”

Hawking refused to comment on Glog’s comments, simply stating that the two had issues that went well back and it was best for everyone if they didn’t delve into them now.

-WKW

David Duke, the Tea Party and the KKK — You could see this coming, right?

David Duke, former Leader of the KKK and hater of all not like him, has finally come out, stood strong and delivered for the Tea Party.

Via Crooks & Liars:

“Tea Party people are called racist because the vast majority wants to stop the massive non-European immigration that will turn America into a crumbling tower of Babel. Most Tea Partiers believe that we in America have the right to preserve our heritage, language, and culture, just as every nation has that human right. The vast majority of Tea Party activists oppose affirmative action and diversity, which are nothing more than programs of racist discrimination against white people. The vast majority of Tea Party enthusiasts despise Hollywood and the mass media,” said Duke.

I think what’s most important here is that we do not lump David Duke, the Tea Party and the KKK together. Because that would just be wrong and irresponsible.

David Duke. Tea Party. KKK. Let me repeat. David Duke. Tea Party. KKK. No lumping.

Please do not confuse the three. Nor believe that the Tea Party, David Duke and the KKK are working together to start a Super White Nationalist Organization. Because I just made that up. And David Duke, the KKK and the Tea Parties don’t roll that way.

-WKW

Next Page »