God signs new 4-year deal with Democrats: “I can finally get my Mom a new house”

HEAVEN - God, the controversial creator of everything everywhere, has signed a new deal with the Democratic Party that will keep him in their fold for the next four years.

“This is just a thrill,” said God, 42. “There so much uncertainty in this game, but now I feel as though I’ve finally made it.”

The Democratic Party had considered releasing God outright in its current platform, but - under pressure from the Republican Party - decided at the last minute to offer the All-Powerful Deity the new deal. Details of the contract have yet to be released, but it is thought God will receive a generous package that includes having a say in all future Democratic decisions.

“Really, this is awesome. Now, I can finally get my Mom that new house she’s always wanted,” said God, an Aquarius. “Now it’s all about suiting up and sticking my hands into everything I can.”

The Democratic Party also announced today that Reality-Based Progressive Thinking has been placed on irrevocable waivers to make roster space for God. Also, Jerusalem as the Capital of Israel has been placed on the Practice Squad.

-WKW

Tweet