Breaking: Edward Snowden leaks Naughty or Nice list

Rostov-on-Don, RUSSIA — Leaker extraordinaire Edward Snowden unleashed his biggest coup to date, leaking Santa Claus’ Naughty or Nice list on Christmas Eve.

“I just want us to have a discussion, is all,” said Snowden. “Let’s talk. I want to talk. We should talk.”

Claus, a shadowy figure known mostly by song, has long fought off civil liberties activists who say more transparency is needed in regard to the famed list.

“A debate, perhaps?” said Snowden. “A little tea time conversation, maybe?” I really wanna talk about this.”

The release of the Naughty or Nice documents - attained by Snowden who spent seven months dressed up as an elf to get his hands on the goods has already created controversy.

“This will undoubtedly cause turmoil for America,” said Director of National Intelligence  James Clapper. “When the terrorists get this information, the Naughties will be in grave peril.

The controversy has spread quickly. Bobby Jimson, a 9-year-old who discovered he was on the Naughty List for excessive sister-punching, expressed his feelings about the leaks.

‘THIS IS BULLSHIT!’ said Jimson.

More on this story as it develops.

 

-WKW