Secret Service Sex Scandal Swells, Goes Deep

Oh, baby.

-WKW

Your average Right-Wing radio host

They talk tough and all, but …

-WKW

Mitt Romney asks Gingrich and Santorum a simple question

-WKW

Things we learned this weekend

Much like the Fulmar, Rick Santorum uses projectile vomiting as a defense mechanism.

-WKW

Afonso, Ralphie & a tomato of desire

My little boys. They grow up so quickly.

-WKW

Watch your mouth

-WKW

Fun with Some E-Cards

Thanks to SomeEcards.

-WKW

When Fascism Comes to America

Feel free to add your own.

-WKW

The GOP’s Elite Eight - Now more than ever

We cannot allow this to end.

My friends, we are living in a special time and it is up to us to get as much out of it as we possibly can. The current field for the GOP nomination for the Presidency is a group that can only be defined as “special.” And we may start losing them.

Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich, Ron Paul, Rick Perry, Michele Bachmann, Jon Huntsman, Rick Santorum and Herman Cain have been the only thing that has kept America from falling into a complete depression - mentally, not economically, mind you. This group of Republicans has helped America in so many ways. And we are nearing a time when some of them may start dropping out. So now it is our turn to help them.

Cain - who led in the polls as recently as a few weeks ago - may be the first to go. Apparently blindsided by the fact that 13-year affairs don’t magically disappear when you begin a political campaign, Cain has spoken of “reassessing” his campaign. This, as we all know, is code for “How can I get out of this.”

Still, Cain is showing the gumption to keep going. The multiple accusations of sexual harassment haven’t slowed Cain, and it’s possible the allegations of a long “friends with benefits” relationship with Ginger White won’t stop him either. Cain has lashed out, releasing child-like maps that are supposed to showcase his foreign policy chops (Brazil? A friend!) and firing away at his critics, claiming that Democrats and liberals are are afraid of him.

And he speaks the truth. We are afraid of Cain. Afraid that he’ll drop out of the race. In fact, we’re afraid of losing any of the GOP contenders. We are in the midst of a once-in-a-lifetime event. The GOP’s Elite Eight is akin to Haley’s Comet flying by during a solar eclipse while the Chicago Cubs win the World Series.

Much like a boy band, each of these candidates holds a special niche:

Romney: The hot one who just wants to be respected for his ever-changing mind.

Gingrich: The angry one with horrifying morals who will likely be spitting on voters before the end.

Cain: The funny, yet super-troubled and possibly dangerous one.

Perry: The drunk one.

Paul: The wacky one who lives in a separate reality but has a cult of fans who live in that same separate reality.

Huntsman: The one in the suit.

Bachmann: The nutjob religoid.

Santorum: The nutjob religoid.

Ok, there may be more nutjob religoids in this group than in your average boy band, but I’m on a roll here so just overlook that.

As individuals, each one of these candidates is a train wreck of horror. But put them together, and they sing, baby. Somehow, all the anger, self-righteousness and ignorance meshes together into a symphony of stupid. Every GOP debate is must-see TV. They are like “Keeping Up With The Kardashians” but with far less intellectuality and ethics. And the best part is, they all assume we are laughing with them, when we are all just laughing at them.

This is why Americans of all stripes must come together and encourage all of them to stay in the race for the long haul. We must send letters, e-mails and text messages of support. We cannot lose a single one of them. Not now. Not when we need them most.

My friends, eventually there will be just one GOP candidate. And that candidate will somehow lose the general election to Barack Obama by 600 or so electoral votes as new states will spontaneously emerge just to vote against whoever the GOP offers up to slaughter.

Ok, maybe we can afford to lose Huntsman. But the others must stay on at least until the GOP Convention in Sept. 2012. Better yet, we need them all to stay in the race with the belief they may win.

Howard Gold called the Elite Eight “the single worst field of presidential candidates a major party has put forward in 50 years.” Gold is both correct and incorrect in this opinion. Sure, not a single one of them has a chance to win a race for county dog catcher, let alone the Presidency. But for those of us who revel in seeing a group of people far stupider and more evil than ourselves, the Elite Eight is pure win.

It is up to all of us to keep all of them in the race, for as long as possible. Ok, maybe not Huntsman. I still have no idea why he even ran in the first place. But the rest of them we need. Stay the course, Lady and Gentlemen. We need you. Now more than ever.

-WKW

 

This is the story of the Herman Cain

Fireworks shot through the Internet night
Enter stage left came Ginger White
She sees him struggling at a GOP Debate
Cries out “My God he’ll rule us all”
Here comes the story of the Herman Cain
The man so many women came to blame
For something that he says he never done
Put him even with Santorum but one time he could-a been
The President of the world.

Three other ladies there does Ginger see
And other women moving around mysteriously
“I didn’t do it” he says and he throws up his hands
“We were just friends I hope you understand
I’m a good Christian” he says and he frets
But one of them called up Gloria Allred
She arrives on the scene and the red lights flash
For a man who sold pizza to make his cash.

Meanwhile far away in another part of town
Herman Cain has no idea about foreign policy
Number one contender for the Presidency
Had no idea what kinda shit was about to go down
When Wolf Blitzer asked if he did cheat
Just like the time before and the time before that
In Washington that’s just the way things go
If you’re a phony the Press you should not meet
‘Less you wanna draw the heat.

Herman could take a man out with just one line
But he never did like to talk about nothing but 999
It will work he’d say and it would add to my pay
But those sexual harassment charges have never gone away

Now all the contenders in their coats and their ties
Are free to drink martinis and watch the sun rise
While Herman sits in his own private hell
A guilty man who couldn’t keep vows to his wife
That’s the story of the Herman Cain
And he’ll never be able to clear his name
And undo the damage he’s done
He’s dropping out of the race today but he could-a been
The President of the world.

HT Bob Dylan

 

-WKW

Breaking: Super Committee loses its Heartbeat

Don Johnson sent to find it.

-WKW

Deepak Chopra gets honest on Twitter

I refuse to believe that Mr. Chopra’s account was hacked. After all, we must walk with those seeking truth and run from those that think they’ve found it.

-WKW

Reason No. 1 why you shouldn’t have Ghostwriters for Twitter

Trust me on this, do your own Tweeting. Mark Davidson has learned this lesson the hard way.

-WKW

Dana Gould channels Larry King

Dana Gould sends Kevin Pollack into hysterics with his Larry Kingisms.

-WKW

What did you just put in my drink?

Not safe for workplaces that are offended by dicks in a drink. Courtesy of The Fellows.

HT Steve Beste

-WKW

 

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